New way of thinking.

It just dawned on me that I have a new way of thinking.  Maybe it's because I work outside the home now. Maybe it's because it's summertime and summertime makes me feel good.  Maybe it's because I now have two kids in middle school.  I don't exactly know why, but I can definitely tell that my way of thinking is different. 

This evening when the kids and I came home, I walked into a house and saw piles of laundry.  Dishes needing to be put up.  A floor that is begging to be mopped. I walked into my bedroom and I saw a bed that had been well slept in.  I stepped into my closet and saw piles of clothes and shoes. I looked down at my dresser and saw several things that didn't even belong in my room like my daughter's manicure set and headband, my son's comic book and a drawing he had done by a comic book artist, and a few other things that were probably put there because they just didn't know where else to put them. 

In the past, I would've walked into this house and upon seeing the uber mess, I would've turned into Hurricane Tracey and everyone would've felt my wrath.  We would've all gotten to work cleaning and picking up and then the kids would then retreat into their rooms to find respite from my silly neat freak madness.  And then I would feel guilty.  It was a silly cycle. 

But tonight, I walked into this beautiful mess and I felt calm, peaceful even. The clothes may not be put up, but at least we have clothes. The dishes may not be put up, but they are clean. My kids' stuff may be everywhere, but one day they'll move out and have homes of their own and I won't be able to look down and see a comic book, crazy nail polish, a toy out of its place.  

I'm thankful for this moment of life that I'm in. This in between. Not babies, yet still not old enough. Still needing me, yet starting to show their independence.  It is a breakthrough for me to be able to feel this way. 

Tonight, I'm gonna lie here in my bed and snuggle with my 11-year-old daughter while she snoozes and listen to the rain.  One day she'll be "too big" to do this, so for now I'll enjoy it. I'll let the messiness wait. And I'll feel good about it. Thank you, God, for my mess. Thank you, thank you, for letting me finally see the beauty of it. 

Sweet dreams...

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