Becoming Un-Grinched...

Now bear with me.  I promise this is going to get better and have a happy ending, so stay with me until the end.  :-)

I've grown to loathe "the holidays."  That time frame that starts a week or so before Thanksgiving and ends somewhere around New Year's.  Over the years, it has become something I dread.  Why you ask?  Maybe because the stores become packed and I hate crowds.  Maybe because every year we struggle to get the kids' what they want on their Christmas list.  Maybe because I terribly miss the annual Christmas Eve parties at my grandparents' house (EPIC parties) where everyone gathered and the laughter was contagious.  Maybe because Martha Stewart I am not and my Christmas decorations always look like a 5-year-old decorated.  Maybe all of the above?

This was my view at HEB the Saturday before Thanksgiving.  So many people.  I. Was. Miserable.  Loathe...

Black Friday?  Umm no... I would rather go on a Monday and pay full price than be in a crowd full of crazy people so I can save some money.  No thank you.  And I'm not trying to get down on those of you who love it!  Don't get me wrong.  If that is something you enjoy, by all means, enjoy it.  But count this extreme introvert out.

So Thanksgiving came and went and then boom... Here's December! (said in a Jack Nicholson voice).  The anxiety.  The tension.  The sadness.  It all started oozing into my brain and I was having trouble shaking it.  When my husband brought the Christmas decorations out of the shed and into the house, I did my best to cover my true emotions and put on a happy face.  As we started putting up the Christmas tree, I freaked.  I ended up retreating to my bedroom, shutting the door and lying in bed in the fetal position.  No joke.  

Hi, my name is Tracey, and I am a Grinch.

Horrible, right?  But hear me out.  Why was I feeling this way?  Year after year getting worse.  

As I was having a pity party in my bedroom, I realized something.  All of the expectations I PUT ON MYSELF were weighing me down.  All of the sadness from missing all of the loved ones I was used to seeing every Christmas, who are now gone, was weighing me down.  All of the beautiful Christmas decorations I saw on TV and the perfect Christmas lights on the big, beautiful houses was WEIGHING ME DOWN.  And all this stuff was packed inside this big, enormous wrecking ball and the wrecking ball was just sitting on my chest!  (No Miley Cyrus references, please.)  

You know what I did?  I sat up, threw that big ball of LIES down, I got up and I re-joined my family.  They were so happy to see me.  My youngest son said with excitement, "Mom, can we finish the tree now?"  You see, they waited for me.  These four people just couldn't do it without me.  Wow.  

We finished getting the tree assembled.  We put the lights on and they WORKED.  (Hallelujah!)  And then the kids starting putting on their ornaments, these ornaments that reminded us of years past.  The memories started flowing in.  And the tears started filling my eyes.  All of these memories that were so fun and sweet and full of love.  And then I saw my favorite ornament, the one that says "Happy Birthday, Jesus".  The one we always put at the top in the middle.  The most important one.  

That's what it's about, people.  It's not about how many presents we get or how perfect our tree looks or how wonderful our pumpkin pie tastes.  We do not have to be Martha Stewart, but we do not have to be the Grinch, either.  

I'm not saying this is going to be easy, but we have to really think about what and how we are celebrating.  Why are we putting up trees and decorating and baking and shopping 'til we drop?  If that doesn't get us in the Christmas spirit, then we need to focus on what does, and if it does, that's great!  Thanksgiving is about being thankful, thankful for what we have and thankful that we can be saved by a Savior who loves us so.  Christmas is about the birth of a man who would later die for us, the one true King who was sacrificed for you and me.   We don't have to do all those things to celebrate.  Do what it takes to get YOU in the spirit.  That could be watching your kids put up the ornaments and not worrying about what it looks like.  It could be seeing your favorite ornament at the top of the tree.  It could be hearing Linus recite the story of the birth of Jesus (brings tears to my eyes every time).  It could be delivering goodies to someone who is also feeling like a Grinch.  It could be starting your own Christmas traditions.  Whatever puts you in the mood to celebrate.

A few days before Thanksgiving, a good friend of mine told me that I should start my own Christmas traditions.  And that's exactly what I did.  I have a Christmas cookie recipe book and every year my kids are going to pick one cookie recipe each.  We will write their names and the year on the recipe they choose.  Maybe add some pictures to it every year.  :-)

So that's what I'll be doing to celebrate Jesus.  Making cookies with my kids, enjoying my family, admiring my less-than-perfect-but-perfect-to-me tree, listening to Linus a few times over the next few weeks, and focusing on what this season is truly about.  I refuse to be a Grinch.  What will you be doing???  I want to know!  Give me some ideas!

Let's get un-Grinched and start celebrating, y'all!  

Our lovely tree...

Here we go...

First time blogger here... so be kind.  I haven't written my thoughts down in years, probably since before I had my first child, which was 13 years ago.  How time flies.  I used to love to write, and I was good at it!  So what happened?  Everyday life?  Too busy?  Who knows...  But here I am... just a girl, standing in front of fellow bloggers, asking you to love her.  (Let me know if you get that reference!  Ha!)

 http://youtu.be/Eit31oT-bDw

So here it is... the real reason for this blog.  I figured blogging would be therapeutic for me and help me get my thoughts down.  I recently started seeing a counselor (yep, that's right, I said it).  I used to think that if I ever got to that point in my life where I needed to see a counselor, that I had somehow failed... I had failed God, myself, my family... I wasn't strong enough to deal with what life had thrown at me.  But what I didn't realize is that that is a lie, lie, LIE!  The day you realize that you need help and are willing to ask for it is the day that you become STRONG!  ("What doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger, stand a little taller..."  Kelly Clarkson knows what she's talking about.)  You decide to no longer listen to the lies that Satan hurls at you and you become vulnerable to God's love, to yourself and others.

VULNERABLE.  Does that word make you cringe?  My counselor said something to me the other day that has really stuck to my ribs...  She said we have to be vulnerable to allow God into our lives and to accept his love, and we have to be vulnerable with other people so that we can help them with whatever they are going through.  I've never thought of it that way.  Especially in this day and age, we aren't supposed to be vulnerable, are we?  Society and media tell us to be strong, tough, selfish even, "it's all about me and what I get out of it."  But vulnerable?  My German roots tell me no.  Vulnerability means you let people walk all over you and take you for granted, doesn't it?

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

How can we help others if we are not vulnerable?  If we continuously put up a front that says there is nothing wrong with me, everything is hunky dory and I don't need anyone's help, that's not helping anyone, including ourselves.  You are actually being selfish with what God has done in your life.  I heard someone say the other day, "Don't hog your story.  Share your story."  You never know who you could be helping.  If God has comforted you, share your story.  There are others who need to be comforted by you.  

This is my first attempt at being vulnerable.  Maybe it will help you.  Maybe it won't.  But I never want to be the one that missed out on helping someone.  Especially when that is what God intended for me to do.  

Let's take off our rose-colored glasses.  Here's to being vulnerable with each other.  :-)