Interrupted Giveaway!

Hey y'all!  I have to share two things with you.  A story AND a giveaway.  :-)

First, the story.  My favorite author is Jen Hatmaker.  She is one of my favorite people.  She loves the Lord.  She lives in Austin, TX.  She loves Texas Longhorn football.  She has a "spicy" family (reference to her blog).  She is all kinds of awesomeness.  I was introduced to her a few years ago when a friend shared the book "Interrupted" with me.  This book came to me at just the right time.  I had been feeling "out of sorts" as far as my relationship with God, wondering "Is this all there is?  Am I doing everything I should be?  There's gotta be something more."  I was burnt out with "church" and what it had turned into for me.  I got to where I just didn't want to go anymore.  I felt pretty guilty and I didn't understand why I felt this way.  And then I read this book.  Everything Jen was saying was EXACTLY how I had been feeling.  She had put words to my thoughts, thoughts that I didn't know how to explain or put out there or put words to.

Let me tell you something, it changed my life.

A year or two later, I read her book "7".  Once again, another game changer.

Seriously, y'all.  If you're feeling lukewarm, READ THESE BOOKS!

After reading these two books and subscribing to Jen's blog, she became my "BFF in my mind."  I can't tell you how many times I thought "Me, too!" after reading something she said.  I became a loyal follower, thankful God had put a Christian woman in my life that I could relate to so well.  (Because I didn't always relate to other Christian women).

Then, THIS HAPPENED.  Back in June, my family went on vacation to Port Aransas, TX.  Just a quick two day trip to get away from real life and take a break.  As we were sitting in line waiting to board the ferry to cross over to Port A, I was looking on either Facebook or Instagram (can't remember which one) and my jaw dropped when I saw a post from Jen.  SHE WAS ALSO WAITING IN LINE TO BOARD THE FERRY TO PORT ARANSAS TEXAS!!!   Oh. Em. Gee.  I told my husband she was there with her family and with his always positive reassurance said maybe we would run in to her.  I said no way.  No way we'll run into her.  That would never happen to me...

A few hours later, my family and I had checked into our condo/townhome/beachhouse thingy and I hit the beach with the kids and their cousins while my husband stayed back to rest.  Kids were playing in the water and of course I  was standing there watching them like a hawk, yelling every 2 minutes to "not go out too far."  All of a sudden, I hear a young voice behind me yell "Sydney."  Of course, I turn around to look because my daughter's name is Sydney, and there they are...  Jen Hatmaker's children...  Her daughter, Sydney... (Yes, we both have daughters named Sydney.  Just one more thing I have in common with my BFF *squeal*)  I put my hand to my mouth in excitement and thought "no freakin' way."  Then, I see a man walking up to her kids...  It's Brandon, Jen's husband.  "NO FREAKING WAY," I thought to myself, trying to contain my excitement.  They were right... behind.... me...  You see, I practically KNEW these people because of Jen's blog.  I'd seen many pictures of them.  But I kept telling myself, "no way that's them."  I tried not to look too hard and get caught staring, so I just played it cool and glanced over at them every few seconds.  And then, I saw Remy...  REMY!  Jen's daughter, Remy!  Sweet, hilarious, Remy, y'all!  There she was!  FOR THE LOVE.

So there were the Hatmakers, minus Jen.  No biggie....  Hanging out on the beach with the Hatmakers.  Well, kinda.  We were on the same beach.  And we were just a few feet away...  And I practically KNEW them...

A few minutes later, my husband shows up and I quietly tell him all about it, all the while trying not to stare at them.  He says, "Let's go talk to them!  Let's go introduce ourselves!"  I just love him.  He... completes... me...

I told him no, no.  I can't.  I don't want to bother them.  They'll think I'm just some crazy lady.  And Jen's not there anyway...  And that was it, so I thought.

The next day, we went back to the beach again, same spot.  Just hanging out in the shallow water, once again watching my kids like a hawk, yelling at them to "not go out too far."  I glance to my left, and there's Jen.  There she is...  yelling at one of her kids to "not go out too far."  Right... behind... me...

I froze, y'all.

All I could say to my husband was, "That's her."  Of course, he said, "Come on!  Let's go talk to her!  Here's your chance to tell how she's impacted her life!"  I couldn't move.  She started to walk down the beach away from us.  My husband literally tried to DRAG me toward her.  But I couldn't do it.  The painfully shy, introvert in me had reared it's ugly head at just the wrong time.  So my husband says, "Well, then I'll go talk to her."

And he did.  He ran up behind her, asked if she was Jen Hatmaker.  He said that she smiled and said yes.  He told her something sweet about me and told her that I wanted to meet her and she told him to send me on over to where they were hanging out.

He came back over to me and told me what she had said and he said, "Come on, I'll go with you."  I couldn't do it.  I was so stricken with fear, y'all.  I felt like I was 7 years old again.  There was my chance to meet her and I blew it.  I never went over.

One of Jen's pictures on Instagram!  This is her precious family!  WE WERE RIGHT THERE!

I know, I know.  It's sad that I couldn't pull from the Supergirl on the inside to go talk to her.   But then, THIS HAPPENED...

Most of you know I started a blog.  For myself, really.  To organize my thoughts and to get my feelings out there.  It's been therapeutic and has become something I love to do.  I LOVE getting comments and seeing what people have to say.

I subscribe to Jen Hatmaker's emails (of course) and one day, a few weeks ago, her email subscribers got a special offer...  She was giving away free digital downloads and hard copies of the New Revised version of Interrupted (the book that changed my life) to the first 250 to respond to the email.  The criteria was
that your blog site was current and you had to commit to blog a review about the book.  Needless to say, I jumped at the chance.  AND I WAS CHOSEN...  I received the digital download AND the hard copy to share!  I like to think that my BFF personally handpicked me for the job.  :-)

So here it is.  My chance to give y'all something I love.  One of my favorite things from one of my favorite people.  I didn't get to meet Jen that day on the beach, but this... this I can do.

I've already given you part of my review of "Interrupted" above, but I'll tell you a few more things.  It's real.  It's raw.  It's Jesus, y'all.  For the real.  My favorite chapter is "Get Off Your High Horse -- Jesus".  Here's an excerpt:

That's some real stuff, yo. I've been there. I remember being at a place where I thought we had made it to the top, of the church food chain, that is. My husband and I were teachers, committee members, regular attenders to everything, nursery helpers, small group leaders. You name it. We did it. And then we became a deacon and a deacon's wife. We were at the top.  We had made it...  And it felt horrible. We had been sucked into the game. Believe me, it was our fault, the way we were feeling. And no one else's. Pride had overcome and we had made our way up the map of recognition. Or so we thought. There was fear with every decision we made, what people would say or think about us.  We made this ascent thinking it would bring us closer to Jesus, but it didn't. We had gotten further and further away from Him. We had done it wrong. 

You know the saying, "What goes up must come down"?  Well, it's true. We fell down. Boy, did we fall. Our hearts grew cold and bitter. "Church" suddenly felt like a burden. Several events happened and I fell into a severe depression.  It hurt to be at the bottom. Really bad. 

We had missed the point. The point of Jesus. But you know what happened when we hit bottom?  We got better. We developed a new way of thinking. A new outlook. We saw and understood God in a way we never did before. You see, he does seek the bottom, the outcasts, the undesirables.  He brought me to the bottom, so that I could find him. That's beautiful. 

Now that we are on the other side of our "descent", I am so thankful for it. I can now see myself and others through Jesus' eyes.  Love God and love others. That's it, folks.  And I was too busy loving myself and not loving others. That's not what Christians and the church should be like.  

The things I learned in this book helped get me through. I hope that it can help you, too. 

Now on a lighter note, it's time for the giveaway!  A free copy of "Interrupted"!  All you have to do is comment below or on my link to the blog on Facebook, and that's it!  You can comment about my blog, Jen's blogs, what you love about the book if you've already read it, the reason you'd love to read it if you haven't yet... you get the idea.  I'm so excited to share it with y'all!

And when you're done reading this blog, head on over to Jen's blog (link below).  You will love it.  I promise.  You can also check her out on HGTV where she now has a show called "My Big Family Renovation".  The Hatmaker Family...  Bless it.

Thanks for reading.  :-)

http://jenhatmaker.com/home.htm

My kids, my stones

Do your kids represent something to you?  I mean other than love or an example of our relationship with God.  Do they represent seasons in your life? 

I realized today that each of my kids “represent” something different to me.  I guess it has something to do with each stage of life I was in at the time I had them.   They are kind of like my Ebenezer rocks, as I call them, in reference to  1 Samuel 7:12, “Samuel then took a large stone and placed it between the towns of Mizpah and Jeshanah. He named it Ebenezer (which means "the stone of help"), for he said, ‘Up to this point the LORD has helped us!’" (If you’ve never studied this passage in the bible, I highly recommend it!)

Colby represents change to me.  He is my firstborn.  Before I became a mother, I was not a “kid person.”  I was awkward around kids.  I didn’t know what to do with them.  I did not want to hold babies.  I was the baby in my family so I had no experience being around little ones.  I didn’t even want to be a mother before I got married.  Apparently, there was even talk amongst family members as to whether or not I would be a good mother because of it (hurtful, but we won’t get into that, no joke).   But when I had that baby boy and they put him in my arms, I FELT MYSELF CHANGE.  I was suddenly a new person.   I was suddenly a better person.  It was no longer all about me.  Selfishness was thrown out the window.  I suddenly had purpose.  I had a better understanding about how God feels about each of us.  It was like an awakening.  It wasn’t that I suddenly loved kids and babies because I now had one of my own.  It was that I now had this amazing person to take care of and love and I was his mother.  I WAS HIS MOTHER!  I knew at that moment that God had put me on earth to be his mother, and I was perfectly fine with that.  Never in my life had I felt a purpose.  Honestly, I didn’t.  He changed me for the better.

Sydney represents happiness.  When I had her, I had the mom thing down and I was a rock star, if I do say so myself.  I was in my groove and HAPPY.  Happy with life, happy with my new purpose, happy to  have another little one to call my own.  We didn’t know what she was going to be, so when the doctor said we had a little girl, we were so HAPPY!   And she was the easiest baby.  Laid back and easygoing.  And she still is today.  When she was in 2^nd grade, her teacher gave her the award for being “Most Flexible” because she was always willing to just go with the flow.  Her grandmother even called her “her happy baby.”  PURE HAPPINESS.   This is what she represents for me.  The enjoyment and happiness we get out of this life that God has given us. 

Brady represents perseverance and laughter.  Does that sound like an oxymoron?  Ha!   Well, let me explain.  When I was pregnant with Brady, times were tough.  Our marriage was struggling, we were financially strapped, and I had gone back to school (online) to become a transcriptionist.  This continued while he was a baby and I started working from home.  Combine all that with the fact that Brady was my high-maintenance baby and I also had two other kids to tend to.  It made for some hard days (and nights).  BUT WE PERSEVERED.  We made it through.  Things got better.  We came out stronger as a family.  And on the other side of this, there is laughter.  There is now this funny kid that makes me laugh out loud on a daily basis.  After all that struggle, all that guilt and heartache, there is now such joy and laughter.  

God has taught me and shown me things through my kids.  They are not only gifts from Him.  They are the stones that have been placed at certain points in my life that I can look back on and say, “Wow.  Look where I’ve been.  I have CHANGED for the better, I am HAPPY, I have PERSEVERED, and I have plenty of LAUGHTER!"

New way of thinking.

It just dawned on me that I have a new way of thinking.  Maybe it's because I work outside the home now. Maybe it's because it's summertime and summertime makes me feel good.  Maybe it's because I now have two kids in middle school.  I don't exactly know why, but I can definitely tell that my way of thinking is different. 

This evening when the kids and I came home, I walked into a house and saw piles of laundry.  Dishes needing to be put up.  A floor that is begging to be mopped. I walked into my bedroom and I saw a bed that had been well slept in.  I stepped into my closet and saw piles of clothes and shoes. I looked down at my dresser and saw several things that didn't even belong in my room like my daughter's manicure set and headband, my son's comic book and a drawing he had done by a comic book artist, and a few other things that were probably put there because they just didn't know where else to put them. 

In the past, I would've walked into this house and upon seeing the uber mess, I would've turned into Hurricane Tracey and everyone would've felt my wrath.  We would've all gotten to work cleaning and picking up and then the kids would then retreat into their rooms to find respite from my silly neat freak madness.  And then I would feel guilty.  It was a silly cycle. 

But tonight, I walked into this beautiful mess and I felt calm, peaceful even. The clothes may not be put up, but at least we have clothes. The dishes may not be put up, but they are clean. My kids' stuff may be everywhere, but one day they'll move out and have homes of their own and I won't be able to look down and see a comic book, crazy nail polish, a toy out of its place.  

I'm thankful for this moment of life that I'm in. This in between. Not babies, yet still not old enough. Still needing me, yet starting to show their independence.  It is a breakthrough for me to be able to feel this way. 

Tonight, I'm gonna lie here in my bed and snuggle with my 11-year-old daughter while she snoozes and listen to the rain.  One day she'll be "too big" to do this, so for now I'll enjoy it. I'll let the messiness wait. And I'll feel good about it. Thank you, God, for my mess. Thank you, thank you, for letting me finally see the beauty of it. 

Sweet dreams...

Click on this link for a mommy funny. :-)

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5445948?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037

Being good

I spent the first part of my Mother's Day feeling ill.  My family was inside the church at Sunday school and I was sitting in my van with the AC blasting, hoping the sick to my stomach feeling would pass so that I could join them, but it didn't.  And that's okay, because I did some thinking.  I thought about how much I have "failed" as a mom lately.  I couldn't remember the last time I cooked a decent meal.  I couldn't remember the last time I sat down with my kids and looked over their homework with them.  I couldn't remember the last time I prayed with them.

That mommy guilt is always there, isn't it?  It's always so easy to go to that place.  Life gets busy, and trust me, as they get older, it doesn't slow down.  And it leaves me feeling tired and beat down.  When they were smaller, I thought we were busy then, but boy was I wrong.  I am in awe of mothers who work full-time and still seem to have their home life in check.  I work part-time and between that, my husband's crazy schedule, tennis, track, basketball, baseball, band, church and the many, many other hats we wear, I just can't seem to get a grasp on things at home.  I'm sure one day I will… ya know, when the kids are gone and have lives of their own… and then I'll be crying… and bored… wishing for something to do or someone to need me. 

As I sat in my van this morning, I had this thought, "I have to be better so that they can be better."  That's a true statement, correct?  That's what we do as parents.  Try to be our best selves so that our kids see good examples in us. We try to be a good Christian, a good parent, a good spouse, a good friend, a good daughter/daughter-in-law, a good steward, a good housekeeper, a good driver, a good cook, and many other good things.  "Good" people.

It can get very overwhelming at times.

What is good, exactly?  Is it having all the laundry done or having the best looking yard on the block or 

having the house immaculately clean when company shows up unannounced?  Well, yeah, it can be. OR is it watching the sunset on the beach, spending the day with your favorite people, or hearing God speak to you in a gentle way during your quiet time with Him?  Now those are good things.  

  

The thing is, I am thinking about it all wrong.  I don't have to be "good" or "good enough".  I don't have to compare myself to others.  I don't have to feel guilty.  I am loved by God, by my kids, by my husband.  Do I have to try and do my best?  Yes, because I want to do my best and be my best for the ones I love and the ones who love me.  Do I have to feel guilty when I don't?  Nope. 

Like I've said before, every day is a new day and a new beginning, another chance to try.  Some days we will fail, but other days we won't.  There will be hard times and bad things that happen, but there will be GOOD things that happen, too.     

Like my 13-year-old son holding the door open for me.

Like my 11-year-old daughter telling me what's going on in her world because she trusts me and wants my opinion.

Like my 7-year-old son hugging me and saying, "I love you, mom." 

Like when I hear my kids say that they love the Lord and want to go to heaven.

Now that's good.  That's the "good" stuff.

I must be doing something right.  Did you read that?  I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.  Yeah, I don't always have a nutritious meal sitting on the table for my kids.  I don't always say the right thing.  I don't always read my youngest a bedtime story.  I don't always make up the beds, have the laundry done and the house clean.  BUT, there are times when I do.  And forgiving myself for the times when I don't is key.  

When I start seeing the "good" things that are happening, that's what will make me "good".  Not good as in morally right or approved of, but good as in… well. 

Happy Mother's Day.

New beginnings...

So it's nearing the end of February and I know it's kinda late to be talking about the New Year and new beginnings, but my year already has had so many changes and I just now have the chance to sit down and write about it.  I'm sorry if my blog is messy today.  I am frazzled.

Since the first of January, we have moved again (back into our home), I was laid off from my comfortable work-at-home job and now have a new job, a real world, out among the land of the living job (which means I actually have to get out of my pajamas and wear normal every day clothes), and also, some of my relationships have changed, even within the last few weeks.  Talk about new beginnings... I feel like I am living a brand new life.

The most important relationship that has changed is the one with my oldest son.  My heart.  I knew this year was going to be different in many ways, but I never thought I would be starting over with my son, like starting from a new, clean slate, learning how to begin a NEW relationship with him.

Colby just turned 13 in November.  Yep, he's a teenager.  And along with having to deal with teenage emotions and the middle school life that most of us would love to forget about, he struggles with ADD inattentive type, diagnosed when he was in 3rd grade.  It is something that he struggles with daily.  He has been on and off different medications since 3rd grade.  Once he got into 6th grade, he didn't want to take it anymore.  He didn't want to be different.  I searched and searched for non-medicated ways to deal with ADD and I found Advocare Spark, a daily "energy drink" that has worked wonders for him, but I will leave the rest of that story for another blog.  :-)

Colby and I are very different.  The way we think is different.  We tend to butt heads and we get very angry with each other.

I feel very guilty when it comes to him.  Since he was diagnosed with this, I think I have treated this more like a burden than something that is just a part of him.  I have treated him like something I have to "deal with" instead of help.  It quickly became something that stressed ME out instead of something that I had to look past and just love him.  This obviously put a hitch in our relationship.

Our relationship was becoming harder and harder, not just because of the ADD, but also because of the changes that come with being a teenager/having a teenage kid.  Then, on New Year's Eve, he did something to one of his siblings, picked on them, and I honestly can't even remember what it was because it just wasn't a big deal... and I lost it.  I blew up at him, yelled at him and sent him to bed at 11:30 PM.  I ruined our family's New Year's Eve together because of my anger.

My husband told me that night that if I didn't try to change my relationship with Colby and make it better that he would end up not having a relationship with me when he got older.  And he was right.

I've treated Colby like something I had to fix or deal with for so long that my mother/son relationship with him had gone south.

Now don't get me wrong.  This kid is my heart.  He changed me.  The day he was born I was suddenly a new person.  A better person.  A caring person.  A loving person.  I never knew I could love someone so much that I just met.  You moms know what I'm talking about.  He had a little cone head and his lips were swollen, he was red and wrinkled and had this shrill cry that would scare Bigfoot away, and had caused me excruciating, unbelievable pain on his way into this world, but he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  This blessing.  This miracle. 

I made the decision on that New Year's Eve to change our relationship for the better.  To change how I looked at him.  To change how I treated him.  God has put him in my life and made him the way he is for a reason.  I had to start over with him.  I had to put forth an effort to HAVE a relationship with him, one that he would look back on and remember with love, not one that he would look back on and think of with disappointment.

God gave me this awesome kid.  He loves history.  He loves superheroes and comic books.  He loves running.  He loves Sonic video games.  He loves movies about war and old westerns.  He loves to read.  He is sensitive and loves his friends.  He always has a joke to tell.  I have no words to describe how much I love him, but God loves him so much more than I do, and He has given him to me to love and teach.  I've been entrusted with him and I want to do the best I can.

So I'm starting over.  I'm learning how to be calm and more understanding of him.  I'm learning to be patient with him.  I'm learning how to deal with his struggles better and in a kinder, gentler way.

I realized that I need to have something in common with him, something we can do together, so we ran our first 5K together and it was so much fun.  I can't wait for our next one.  I want him to realize that I WANT to do things WITH HIM.

Have you ever seen the movie "The Odd Life of Timothy Green"?  I love that movie.  It really reminds me of Colby in so many ways.  Check out this scene.

Colby is so this kid.  Noticing how awesome the sun feels when he should be paying attention to the game (granted, this kid doesn't have ADD... he is actually taking in the sun because he grows leaves on his legs like he's a plant, but you get my point).  And I am so that mom.  "I am the mom of that!!!"  And then Timothy kicks the soccer ball into the other team's goal, like he wasn't paying attention.

How hard it is on a child when they do things like that over and over because their brain won't let them focus.  It is our job as parents to still be proud and say "I am the mom of that!" even when our kids make mistakes or do disappointing things.  They are already disappointed enough in themselves.  They don't always need to hear about it from us.

How wonderful that we can always start over, fresh and new.  That is a gift from God.  His grace and love are always there, ready and available.  He's always there, waiting for us to come back if we have strayed.  That's how we should be with our kids, these little people that God has blessed us with.  Every day is a new day.  We can always move past the things we are not proud of and push forward to new beginnings, a clean slate.

Please pray for me as I step into this new chapter of motherhood called the teenage years.  It's going to be a bumpy ride, but oh so worth it because I get to call this kid "mine".